I hate blind dates, so after hearing about Tinder, I naturally decided to love it. I mean, an app where you can “privately” gawk at guys seemed pretty ideal to me. That was enough to entice me to sign up. If you’re not familiar with Tinder (or pretend not to be, I won’t judge), let me quickly explain the gist of the game – umm, app.

You basically swipe left if you’re not into the person, and right if you are. On good days you might even match with a person you fancy and it’s the quickest ego boost you’ll ever receive. If you’re a bit on the desperado side, you can super like the person to let them know you’ve liked them and they choose to like you back, or maybe not.

Ok, enough stalling, here’s what happened to me. I don’t know if I’m missing the Tinder inside joke, but I feel like I’m the butt of it. This week alone I received three propositions to perform fellatio before even asking how my day was going. Not that that would make any difference, but it’s about common courtesy, you know? Several other Matches were much more subtle and decided the better approach was to just comment on my full lips instead. There was one pervert that greeted me with “hey Warsan, you look like you smell of warm cinnamon so I was wondering if I could stick my finger up your arse?” Honestly, if you’re wondering where chivalry went, it’s in my Tinder inbox.

Seriously, am I Tindering wrong? I even went on a date once with a guy who met me in Oxford Circus in a frayed track suit and sunglasses (it was night time), and tried to kiss me in the middle of the road! I don’t even mean a double cheeked kiss. Now, I’m no prude, but a second later he tried grabbing my ass so I had no choice but to morosely explain that I was having terrible menstruating cramps and unfortunately needed to run home to end the date quickly. Who knows where our adventurous date could have let to if I had stayed? I’d rather not know.


Anyway, the reason I decided to write about my Tinder experience(s) is mainly to laugh them off so they don’t sting as much. I’m positive this won’t be the end of it. If you guys have any great stories to share, feel free to post it in the comments! Toodles!


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